I know the last few weeks I have been silent on here.  I know that my words are mostly put away as is my camera and well most of my sanity.  Life as we knew it just a few weeks ago has been turned upside down…. reality as we had gotten comfortable with well, doesn’t exist anymore.  It sucks and it is scary and most days we are all just stuck on survive.

We were expecting one plan of action with my Meme and well life threw us a curveball.. we are now all heading, fearfull running full on into a different direction and well,

its scary.

We all just love her so much, and this is all so dang overwhelming.

We take turns, driving to the hospital… doing dishes and dinner and making sure her dogs are really happy…

Meme would want them to be happy.

We all take turns, having our freak outs and moments of blurred clarity… all have our screaming and crying and being mad at whomever will listen.

We all have our silence.. our pleading…

we all have our moments.

The kids play in the yard, with their tractors… enjoying the sunshine and mostly being unaware…

they miss their dad but I think on some level they understand.

I miss my life, my house, my own chaos.  My animals, the snow, the desert even.

But I am where I need to be.. and the rest will still be there when this someday becomes ok..

Right?

Sometimes the silence scares me, sometimes this new reality makes me realize that we don’t really get to see the bigger plan….

Sometimes I try to pretend that I am just camping out in Meme’s yard, getting ready for spring and for the flowers.  Getting ready for sunshine and lazy days at the lake…..

and sometimes… that actually works.