found this today…
Help me Lord, to make a true use of all disappointments and calamities in this life, in such a way that they may unite my heart more closely with you. Cause them to separate my affections from worldly things and inspire my soul with more vigor in the pursuit of true happiness. Susanna Wesley…..

I have been for some time trying to find good in the bad…. to find thankfulness in my sorrow.. this quote hit it right on the head…

I have so much.
So so many things to be thankful for and to be happy about…. they are all around me…. I need to stop all of the questioning…
my dear friend told me… look at the bad, the ugly and find the good in it……be thankful Kell……………really………

I thought………ok what?
look at the bad and find the good….

huh????

and then it hit me….
i was talking to another friend who was at my house this week.. and I told her… yes.. moving here was hard but Makenna is so much more here…. she is who she was supposed to become here…
and…
my relationship with my mom is so much more now…
we had to walk this walk together..
find each other again..
respect each other as mothers again…
its been a bumpy walk… but worth it I told her…
she is again..
my best friend.
i didnt have that in California.
So yes, I am thankful….

I wish my parents were here.. closer… driving distance… dinner distance, I miss them like crazy…. but I am thankful.

I try to think of pretty words to say about missing Mason… words that will make it ok but I dont quite have them yet… I accept that.. and am thankful for knowing that..
its a work in progress….
a moment at a time…
im ok with that……..
i am,
or I am trying to be.
(honest right?)

I am thankful to have a husband who quilts with me, sews all my pieces together… matches socks and teases me with MY bandana on…..does the dishes without tooo tooooo much begging and overall is the most amazing man I have ever met (ok up there with my dad, brother and Bumpa)… he is someone who’s word means more to me than anything… a man who understands me.. understands my reason for McCall… for my phone addiction and for wanting salt EVERY night at 10pm………
he loves me.
I tried to disect it many MANY times…….
i did……
why?
how?

but he loves me……..
i stopped questioning….

he may kill me for posting that photo…. but he will still love me

I am thankful that as spicy as she is that she didnt kill the cat

I am so thankful that I have the kind of relationship with my daughter that I had with my mom………. she is so dear to me and I honestly couldnt do it without her..
and no matter how big they get……
they still look like angels when they sleep………

ok and she is just cute………

We spent the whole entire day today cleaning so that tomorrow we can sew……… Jerid taught Hank a new trick.. he says BABY… and Hank gets up next to McCall wherever he is and lays there to protect him (you know from rolling off the couch) it is pretty dang cute!!!!!!

life is hard… I will give you that.. it is.
But it is also a journey… we have to own it…
enjoy the path…..the bends, the curves, the rocks in the road.
the getting lost……the inability to find our way……
part of it… it is.

we have to enjoy the journey………

and in the end, i want to look back with fond memories………… that was the day we………………………….
even if the what we did was socks right?

he looks like one of the wise men to me…………..

i wish I could pick his brain

Thank you for being such a good sport!!!! You make my job so easy See it wasnt that bad was it?

Ok especially that Austyn didnt really bite McCall…. what a morning….

I spent all day today thinking about what to be thankful for, you know while I was doing the chasing… yelling… momming stuff… … all day……. seriously… and then I felt like I let myself down.. how on earth can it be so hard to find something to be thankful for. Was I overthinking it… overlooking it… where was it? Can it be just the simple things?
Austyn woke up this morning with a dry pullup… I was so happy I danced… honestly.. you should have seen it.. the mommy with bedhead & pj’s on dance… it was a sight… she was pleased, I made her giggle… I was thankful. Papa bear came and fixed our new sink so it wouldnt leak… I got to wash the millions of dishes that were stacking up all weekend long… I was thankful. (honest I was) I got almost caught up on editing… my headache wasnt too too bad today and I got to lay in the bath and hear the sound of rain (ok over the babies crying in the other room with dad) but anyway… I was thankful…
Jerid, M & A went to dinner tonight and I stayed home with my headache and with miss Grace and McCall…. After McCall got over his screaming fit and fell asleep I got to spend some time with the little missy…..
grace….. NOUN:
1. Seemingly effortless beauty or charm of movement, form, or proportion.

um yeah……. right.
This child, well everyday is something new with her. Something wild.. something (or many things) that make me shake my head. She is a whole new and improved form of crazy and most days I just try to survive.
She found the powder tonight… I was wondering why she was being so quiet………..
found it… wore it… squoze it… all over the stinking house… honestly right at that moment I was thankful we dont have carpet…. I quickly assessed the damage, grabbed my camera and began to clean the mess….



She kept saying uh oh…uh oh….uh oh…. powwwwwda… yes miss Grace… powder… honestly…



We headed off to the kitchen sink, moved aside some dishes and took a quick bath…. all told we both got a good giggle out of it. She is feisty… she is busy…. and teeny tiny and bold… She makes me run, as they all do… but honestly… I am forever thankful for her… and greatful she is mine…
I wouldnt have it any other way….

thankful for regrets both big and small
thankful for days
long gone by
that turned to nights awake
alone pacing in too small apartments
pushing away dreams
too big for my shoes..
I am thankful..
for the sunflower kitchen,
that forced me to go
for the two lines, the fear
the promise of her
I am thankful.
For all the starts
incomplete
broken
the mistakes, bold… clear
the wild turkey
that chased me till I was blue..
the home
the white picket fence I tried to make…
to force
to steal..
I am thankful.
for the plan
I blinded myself to see
for the future yet to be held
I am thankful.
for the promise
of more
someday
oneday
somehow
I am thankful.

o and for the daughter of mine who listens when I say.. dont get into the bathtub you are dressed………..
I am thankful……..

I am thankful that I have a job that I love… something that stirs me. Each and every time I pick up my camera it moves me. I am thankful that I get to view the world thru my lens, that I am pursuing it.. that I am growing at it. I pulled out some old photos from 2007 tonight and I am thankful that this is a journey where we just learn and learn.. in life, in mothering, in photography.. in everything. We are constantly learning, getting better.. becoming more. I am so thankful for that….
And I am most of all thankful that because I love to capture these moments…. that I have so many moments of my children captured that I had forgot.. those firsts, those smiles.. the laughter…..
So here are some oldies.. but goodies in my book…. my time has flown….

November is about being thankful….. so

God sometimes is silly…..funny even.. has a sense of humor??? Last Feb.. I met a fellow photog… someone at first I never even gave a thought to a future with. We attended a conference together, I thought she was sweet, odd.. interesting even. I never thought that she would be my best friend. We left the conference… with new ideas…new plans..new thoughts…
And I found myself drawn to her.
Not in the wierdo stalker way…..ha…… but in the………she is real….she is true…….she is honest…..she is my friend.
Funny as adults, friends are hard fought for…. something that is not just easy.. but something that is hard won.
L was that… and so much more. Our family and hers has meshed so close that there is nothing that is uncertain. She is the frick to my frack.. the well…….. you know.

So i thank you Lish. I thank you for being you. For your love of God, for your love of family. For being true when all around us fell. For listening to me at 4pm or 4am… for believing in me.. for trusting me… for respecting me…
i thank you.
You are an inspiration…… someone I want to be near.. someone I want to be like… someone I learn from.. someone I admire.

I can say nothing but thanks..
o
and i love you.
you and Dan Bennett and the girls… and t.

and of course, above nothing else……
thanks.