ok rough title.. i know…
but sometimes the way I feel cant be described any other way…….

i was listening to brad paisley tonight…
the song….
find myself…..

When you find yourself
In some far off place,
And it causes you
To rethink some things.
You start to sense
That slowly you’re becoming someone else
And then you find yourself.

When you make new friends
In a brand new town,
And you start to think
About settling down,
The things that would have been lost on you
Are now clear as a bell.
And you find yourself
That’s when you find yourself.

When you go through life
So sure of where you’re heading,
And you wind up lost
And it’s the best thing that could happen.
‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way
It’s really just as well.
‘Cause you find yourself;
That when you find yourself.

When you meet the one
You’ve been waiting for,
And she’s everything
That you want and more,
You look at her
And you finally start
To live for someone else.
And then you find yourself;
That’s when you find yourself.

We go though life
So sure of where we’re heading,
And then we wind up lost
And it’s the best thing that could happen.
Sometimes when you lose your way
It’s really just as well.
Because you find yourself;
Yeah that’s when you find yourself.

Honestly.. this part

When you go through life
So sure of where you’re heading,
And you wind up lost
And it’s the best thing that could happen.
‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way
It’s really just as well.
‘Cause you find yourself;
That when you find yourself.

yep… ok God… I get it.

do you ever wonder if he is just laughing at us? At our trials and the way we handle them?
I wonder sometimes………

Proverbs 26:11

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
Like a dog that returns to its vomit Is a fool who repeats his folly.

Why is it that we as humans want to replay so many things? Why is it that we want to rehash… replay things over and over again… and then be ok with it….and yet go back for more?

I am Beyond so many things these days and yet am hurt still by so many…

i read their blogs…
i watch their work…
i worry for them..
i miss them..
i cry for them…

and they have hurt me most of all… but I go back.. time and time again and I have no one to blame but me.

Im working on it… I am….

the google reader is getting shorter and shorter……..day by day……blog by blog

right?

i am….
finding myself.

Some things are all in the way we view them………

she is adorable right?

step back and she is surrounded by laundry…………

eeeekkkkkkkkk…..

I am starting to understand…. to view it differently……sometimes that means black and white…..

life is so much like that… in the way that we view it.. in the colors we choose to see… in the songs we choose to hear…

we determine our paths.. we choose the page…..

Remember the choose your own adventure books when we were kids……… you’d read a page or two and then you had a choice.

pg 24 the princess gets to…………..
pg 49 the princess gets to…………..

i was a dork
i choose pg 24 finished the story and then went back to page 49 just to make sure that I had chosen the correct ending…….

if only life were as simple right?

my birthday present came from my best friend tonight……..

in the form of a beautiful new bible.

i am humbled..
i am in awe..
and I am forever thankful.

for the gift, and for her.

She is the one that I want to call when I am happy, when I am sad and when well…

when the world feels like dog barf.

i honestly cant thank her enough….

i just love her so.

God is good; life is hard. –Alistair Begg

Honestly… have you heard this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBk07l2aKrE
really… I told Jerid tonight that I have a boy crush… really I do… listen to this song…….

did you really listen?
Its probably wierd how many times I have listened to him on itunes today……but honestly… real country that still exists…..thank you so much………..

real…

life is real right… the stuff I see…. the days I live? Yep. Real.
Remember when we were kids…. dukes of hazzard was rough and lincoln logs were cool? That was real.

I browsed the black friday adds today… my girlfriend wants to leave at 2:30 AM!!!!!!!!! and I thought……crap…. some days my kids dont even go to bed till then…

Kohls at 4am……then walmart then target then Cabelas……….then lunch????????? somewhere that preferably serves something to take the edge off?????????

I am tired already…. and it is not even turkey day yet!!!!!

Savanah told me today she had a green hat………um close…….right?



And McCall…. he is 4 months old now………..how in heck did that happen? When you are pregnant those months drag…..when your precious chubby baby is here.. well
time flys.



honestly he is so cute I could eat him! He tried real food tonight and gobbled it up………….. SURPRISE!!! Little chubby one…..man how we love him!!!

funny thing about that song……….. In color…… it talks about seeing things in photos………..that they are black and white but if you were there it would have been in color……
i get it.
Sometimes I would prefer to just look forward but there is tangible proof of the past…
photos.
letters…
dreams…..

children.

dang it.

if it were only black in white…………..

i wish.

i do.


maybe black in white is better sometimes? Maybe the grain is enough to hide? Maybe just maybe sometimes color is just too much?

You think?
Maybe its overboard in color? What about the stuff we would miss tho?

the song says…….you can’t see what those shades of grey can cover……….you should have seen it in color………….thats the story of my life… right there in black in white…………..trying to survive….

you should have seen it……

in color.

you should have seen it.
in color.

really…………….
it was beautiful……
it was different…….
it was then.

in color.